RPM - Revisit Pumping Music - from the 80's and 90's

So, last night was the latest in the RPM adventure for this lowly large lad. Yes, that's right folks, at great risk to personal injury, the FAT man saddled up and hit the road again (at least mentally). As I was setting my ride up last night I noticed a CAUTION sticker place on the bar connecting seat to handlebars. I am sure that this sticker has always been there, but this was the first time I had noticed it, or it was the first time I was feeling good enough to be able to expend the necessary energy to focus on the minute writing. Why do warnings always come in small print? Surely if the warning was sufficient to produce a sticker and employ a sticker sticker in some factory somewhere to apply these things then using a font size of 3.5 is less than adequate.

I digress, the CAUTION sticker was there, and on closer inspection I was surprised by what it said. Having partaken in a couple of these manic sessions previously I was expecting a warning that was something akin to "WARNING: RPM can serious damage your butt!" or "WARNING: RPM can seriously affect tomorrow's ability to walk" or "WARNING: RPM will adversely affect your body odor, so make sure you have soap and a towel ready to shower before starting this class, stinky!"

No, these were not even close to the warning that was printed. And, I need to add here, that the warning that was printed and stuck to every bike must have been thought up by the maniacal instructors who excitedly scream and shout there way through 60 minutes of cardiac arrest inducing pedaling like ADD hamsters hyped on Red Bull, Ritalin and helium.

The warning on the bike reads like this - "CAUTION: Failure to follow instructions could lead to serious injury." followed by some other stuff about stopping pedaling and falling off. Are they serious? They actually felt the need to warn me that if I didn't follow instructions then I would risk serious injury? I beg to differ.

I have realized that it is because I am following instructions that my heart feels like it is going to burst out of my chest, walk home picking up a Big Mac meal on the way, and wait for me on the couch watching Law and Order re-runs. It is because I follow instructions that my hamstrings have filed a civil suit to be divorced from my body and allowed to live on their own in a van down by the river. It is because I follow instructions that today my brain sent a message to my legs telling them to get out of bed and there was rebellion in my body.

I feared for a brief moment that I was going to have to inject a shrunken Donald Plesence into my blood stream in a tiny space craft to fix my internal network.

I also realized today that joining in these Riding Pretend Mountains classes that the scale doesnt go all the way around and then some when I step on it, that my pants no longer dig in uncomfortably, but rather fall off without the assistance of a belt, and that my weight is going down.

Does my butt still hurt from wedging that tiny seat in unmentionable places - SURE DOES! Do my shirt triple their weight through additional water retention - EVERY TIME! In fact, my t-shirts are on diuretics on Wednesday nights so they can release the water they hold. Do I question the instructor's sanity every time he asks for 'another gear' - ABSOLUTELY! Will I continue this activity in the pursuit of my goal for 2010 - YOU CAN BET GOOD MONEY ON THAT!

Will I continue once I reach my target of 210lbs?

Hmmmmmm?