"Body Pump" with the "Dopy Bump"

So I was minding my own business Monday morning when I innocently posted on Facebook that I was heading to the gym later that afternoon. PING! I get an invite to join my buddy and his wife at an exercise class called "Body Pump". Now I have heard a little about Body Pump - most of it involved "lots of reps" and "really tiring". The limited observations I have had of the classes it looked like the spawn of a love encounter between Richard Simmons (step aerobics) and Arnold Schwarzenegger (weight lifting). Being the fearless adventurer I agreed to join them and to take my first "Body Pump" class.

How short my memory is when it comes to classes with the name 'Les Mills' associated with them. I should have read the first blog I wrote after taking my first RPM class - it would have helped prepare me. So let me give you the run down.

We set up our 'steps' and laid out our mats - one for you to lie on (this was certainly an attractive idea) and the other was for your barbell to rest on. If the weights need their own mat to rest on, this can only mean bad things are about to happen to my muscles. Why do the weights need to rest - they aren't doing any of the work - are they?

Our instructor arrives and she is ready to go. She looks like she has been mainlining Verve or some other 5 hour energy drink. She reminded me of some of the stuffed animals my kids have where you pull the string in their back and let them go. Well, someone had pulled her string and she was off. This however is not a bad thing - if you are about to put people through 60 minutes of misery then you should be excited about it - it is the only way to get everyone to stay with you.

So we started with the music pumping and the instructions to follow the leader coming across the microphone. Here is where 'Body Pump' met the 'Dopy Bump' - ME! I am a relatively coordinated individual but now I was trying to follow the instructor moving arms and legs, check my 'form' in not one, but two mirror walls and all the time not drop the weighted bar in my hands. I was going up, when she was going down. I was curling while she was rowing. It was all a little confusing. The worst thing that I think that crossed my mind was that the class participant in front of me was only 5 feet tall and really didn't provide much cover for my unskilled maneuvers to hide behind.

The warm-up ended - yes, that was just the warm-up. In true sadistic Les Mills fashion, the following 55 minutes was a whirl of weights, steps, reps and muscles pumped full of lactic acid. So that was what this was all about - pumping up my muscles with a waste product - nice.

The most difficult part of the class for me was not related to the weights or the timing, it was trying to balance my delicate frame on the aforementioned step that we had laid out before we began. We were instructed to lie down on the 'step' to perform our triceps routine. I lay down as instructed and my head fell off the end of the step, practically hitting the floor. In my attempt to slide down I found one little issue. We had placed exercise mats on our steps for comfort. What I soon learned was that these mats don't slide too well on the steps, and the human body (at least mine) didn't slide too well on the mat. Long story short, in an effort to reposition myself along the step so my head was actually resting on something other than the floor I skootched (yes, skootched) down the step, and my shorts, for some reason known only to themselves, decided to stay where they were. So, here we all are, lying on our steps, pushing our weight bar over our heads, and I am the only one in the room with a self inflicted wedgie - oh the joy.

Finishing the track we rolled up off our steps, some with more grace than others - well, than me, and everyone stood up preparing for the next track. As surreptitiously as possible I retrieved my drawers from their new storage location and continued as best I could with the class.

I must say, the class was fun, if not a little difficult to follow along with, especially with my lack of coordination. The one thing that did surprise me was the after effects. I left the class feeling like I had worked out but not completely exhausted. I decided to jump on the treadmill and do 20 minutes of fast incline walking. I finished that, stopped at the grocery store and headed for home.

After sitting down for 30 minutes or so to eat dinner I tried to stand up. That is when I realized that the long stumps attached to my hips no longer worked. My legs were doing their best Elvis impersonation - they left the building. So I pretty much stayed on the sofa for the remainder of the evening and having contemplated sleeping there too, I dragged myself upstairs and collapsed. I guess there is something to this Body Pump stuff.

I guess this Dopy Bump will just have to go back to another class for more punishment.

Someday.